An Intriguing question

I was asked this really intriguing question by Pam Archer

"What question do Brides ask me that most annoys me?"

To be perfectly honest with you there are no questions that Brides ask that annoy me. What annoys me are the questions they DON'T ask. I spend quite a bit of my time trying to draw out of many of my Brides a vision for their wedding reception. They are all really fantastic at setting the stage with the colors and flowers, beautiful dresses and carefully chosen music and lighting, but when it comes to getting down to the essence of their expectations I usually get "a lot of fun" or "really great music" or my personal favorite "not a typical wedding reception." The latter is almost inevitably planning a traditional wedding reception and is setting her expectations of the night based on some previous "typical" reception that she herself enjoyed attending. All it takes is a look at the planner, and request list. Traditional dances(1st dance, parents dances), check. Cake cutting, check. Toss the bouquet, check. Traditional or in their words (typical) wedding reception. So how can this Bride say that she wants "something different?" What these things usually boil down to after about an hour of questions from me is...

I want lots of people dancing, laughing, and generally interacting in a large group with one another and I don't want to hear the same songs I heard at the last 12 weddings. BUT I want to have the same experience I had DURING those songs.

That's where it takes experience to to know why people react like they do to these "classic" wedding songs.

Too often the concerns over having what DJ's in the business have come to refer to as "cookie cutter" weddings have more to do with music selection than they do with any other elements of a reception. Play the Electric Slide and 95% of the time the dance floor will fill up. Play The Cha Cha Slide and the odds are even higher. Need to get all ages up and dancing? Celebration, YMCA, Shout, The Twist, We Are Family, Old Time Rock and Roll, etc all will serve you well. Why? Because they are familiar and comfortable and everyone at a wedding who isn't a natural dancer has got their "moves" all worked out for those songs. It's like an old shoe...worn out, ragged and ugly, but oh so comfortable and familiar.

So as a wedding entertainer you have a few choices.

First you could just embrace the cheese. You become a Cheesy Wedding DJ because well, it's easy, it's usually inoffensive, it's like vanilla ice cream always there and always safe.

Then you can try and Change the cheese. Sometimes it's just enough to swap out all the songs for lesser played alternates with the same groove, and general feel. The difficulty here usually lies in the closeness to the real thing. Guests start asking for the same old same old, and when you don't play their requests, well lets just say you are no longer a great DJ to that person. You're just the guy who didn't play the Macarena.

My personal choice is something else. I use every detail I can tear from the Bride about her wedding day plans, and expectations and I use that as my palette. I use every minute and every song to establish an atmosphere that moves toward achieving the Bride's stated goal of dancing and shared moments with her guests. I use my opportunities during formal activities when I get to address the guests to "get them on my side" and to remind them that they are there to celebrate the Bride & Groom. I work with the Bride to plan for moments together with her Husband, family, and friends. We craft truly personal activities that reflect the actual people getting married while emphasizing how special they feel each and every guest is to them. I also tell my Brides and Grooms and their bridal party members as you do so will the guests. If the Bride and Groom dance, so will the guests. If the Bride & groom mingle and talk. So will most of their guests. There's nothing wrong with that kind of reception just as long as it is what the Bride & Groom want. In 15 years I have encountered only 2 real "cocktail" style receptions where dancing was not a big expectation. They were fabulous events with brilliant and very personal almost intimate moments planned in advance.

So in short...(LOL)...it's not the questions that Bride's ask it's the one's they don't ask. How will you make my wedding reception mine and mine alone as unique as my future husband and I. As special as all of these people we care enough to share this day with. How will you do that without playing those tired old songs? Oh am I thrilled when I get that rare bride who knows what she wants and is bold enough to ask those questions. I look her right in the eye and smile and say....

I am so glad you asked.