Here we go again (UPDATED)

UPDATED!!!!!!!!!! (Scroll down)
I know that a number of wedding professionals read this blog so I am urging you all to read this recent post on the Perfect Wedding Guide website.

Maybe I am mistaken but doesn't the PWG derive most of its revenue from advertisements? Aren't there Florists, DJs, wedding planners, Bridal shops, reception sites and make-up artists paying hundreds if not thousands of dollars to advertise to brides in there regional guides?

Why then would the collective editors decide to bite the hands that feed them and publish garbage advice like this?

Sure you can DIY your entire reception and save lots of money. You'll also spend your entire reception running around putting out little "fires" as you go. iPod stopped playing in the middle of your first dance? No problem since it's the grooms iPod he'll just stop and head over to the boom box and reboot, so you can start over and try and salvage a memory that doesn't include a curse of Steve Jobs under your breath.
Have your friend do your make-up so that when you get all those digital pictures that your guests took with their cameras on automatic you'll look like a $2 street walker at 5am on a Sunday.
Collect flowers from a field behind your house? When you doing that for your June wedding? In the morning before the ceremony? You sure aren't doing it anytime before that unless you have an industrial sized refrigeration unit to store them in.
Shop consignment on your dress. Why not? Just be prepared for the astronomically high alterations bill from your local bridal shop. They aren't offering discount alterations on dresses they didn't sell.
Oh and my personal favorite hors d'oeuvres instead of a meal.(bet you thought I'd be more upset by the iPod didn't you?) Your guests will be joining you through at least one meal unless you are planning some sort of combined ceremony/reception that ends in 2 hours. Yeah finger foods will encourage them to linger and share your magical day.
With wilted flowers on the tables of a strangers house, while your guests struggle to dance to whatever you happen to have on your iPod playlist, as the seams on your thrift store dress burst open cause Aunt Millie is half blind and just doesn't sew like she used to.
That'll sure be a memorable event to say the least.

Seriously though I am calling on ALL WEDDING PROFESSIONALS to write/call/email the editors of The Perfect Waste of Money...er umm..the Perfect Wedding Guide and remind them that you pay their bills, and then tell them you will be canceling your ad because too many of THEIR readers are not becoming YOUR customers based on pitiful advice like this!

PWG Holdings, LLC
39 Skyline Dr., Ste. 1001
Lake Mary, FL 32746

PHONE: (888) 222-7433
FAX: (888) 933-3404
WEB SITE: www.perfectweddingguide.com
EMAIL: corp@pwg.com

Just for fun here's an iPod wedding for your evaluation.

Hi J.

I wanted to respond to your email below and follow up on the discussion we had this morning related to the below content.

First, I always appreciate strong points of view and applaud passion. As we discussed, NEVER at anytime would Perfect Wedding Guide in any way, shape or form do anything to intentionally harm anyone! Over the years our company has dedicated itself to serving wedding professionals all over the country and to serving brides and their needs. We do more to connect brides and business than any other media company out there. The tens of thousands of vendors we have worked with over the years have benefited and continue to benefit from the many channels we provide brides and business to connect through print, internet, leads, bridal shows, networking events and more. No one puts more into this mission that PWG!

With that said, I think that if you had taken the time to call me before you made assumptions about our motives and reasons for providing relevant content to brides, you would have found that first, I am accessible and responsive (as per our nearly 2.5 hour conversation) and would realize we have a greater goal in mind to provide good, quality content to brides. We don’t dictate that content, brides do and with ever increasing demands from our vendors to provide more brides – we can’t accomplish the goal if we DON’T give them what they want. True, Brides don’t buy advertising, but neither do vendors if we don’t have brides! There isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t get compared to larger companies. In order to provide more brides to you, we have to provide the information they want and demand to maintain credibility with them. If we don’t, they seek it elsewhere, because as you know, there are plenty of resources for them to turn to such as social networking sites and blogs, where the crazy brides can really go to town unchecked. Does anyone really want those type of sites to become the primary path for wedding information and education for brides? I don’t think so. What was never mentioned in the email below is the many positive articles, networking events, educational seminars and webinars Perfect Wedding Guide produces and participates on all levels to help provide more accurate and helpful information to both Brides and Vendors. We are dedicated to connecting brides to businesses and have helped many businesses grow over the years!

We know that times are challenging and again, I have to point out that PWG does more to work with businesses like yourself to generate sales and revenue than most of our competitors. I believe that’s why the majority of negative responders to the article are coming from vendors that don’t actually do business with us. The vast majority of our advertisers understand and know our commitment to them. We live with them and work with them every day in the markets we serve. We have a vested interest in their success. I hope that in the future, a more productive path will be taken. Most of us want to do better. Most of us are dedicated professionals and work hard every day to improve our businesses and serve our customers.

We did pull the article in question before our conversation, but after our rather lengthy conversation, I believe we both walked away with a better understanding of our intent and your position. It is important to me to educate – that’s why I believe in the article, but I also believe we can make the article more powerful by providing the pros and cons of each tip. I agree, Brides need to know both the potential upside and downside to their decisions. I hope that everyone can agree that this serves all interested parties fairly and provides real, valuable content to the end user that is helpful.

I am truly sorry this article hit a nerve – it certainly was not intended to cause harm or create the illusion that professionals are not necessary. Obviously, an iPod cannot give the same entertainment value a DJ can, obviously if a bride provides her own flowers it cannot compare to what a professional will provide. We know the value of using professionals and we certainly have a long enough track record to prove that. But we also can’t ignore the huge movement towards D-I-Y and the need to give them good information. The truth is, it helps all of us create valuable talking points to address the D-I-Y bride and give the pros and cons to their decisions. I’ve seen other vendors make the very same recommendations to brides that were in the article, not to mention that every single wedding related publication and website had covered this topic. We can’t be so afraid to address the truth given 85% of all weddings (which is 1.85 out of 2.2 million weddings per year) spend the average or below on their weddings. 50% of all weddings (1.1 million) spend approximately half of the average. Our job is to make sure we are supplying ideas, tips and vendors for all brides of all budgets. If we do that, we will all get more in the end because we will have a larger market to reach. If we narrow that field, we limit the number of brides we can reach - and in this economy, most vendors need to be looking at all budget levels to survive (I said most, not all)!

I respect your position, I understand you passion and I think we came to a productive outcome. Talking to each other usually provides a more positive outcome than threats and hysteria. In spite of the reason we came to talk, I ended up enjoying debating and discussing the issue with you. Thank you for taking the time to do that.

Please let me know if you have any additional thoughts or would like to discuss this matter any further – I will make myself available. I hope you find this information relevant to share with your colleagues.

Tammy Elliot – President, Perfect Wedding Guide

My Comments regarding my discussion with Tammy and this email, which I only just received (via 3rd party it has not as of yet been sent to me personally) are forthcoming.

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An Intriguing question

I was asked this really intriguing question by Pam Archer

"What question do Brides ask me that most annoys me?"

To be perfectly honest with you there are no questions that Brides ask that annoy me. What annoys me are the questions they DON'T ask. I spend quite a bit of my time trying to draw out of many of my Brides a vision for their wedding reception. They are all really fantastic at setting the stage with the colors and flowers, beautiful dresses and carefully chosen music and lighting, but when it comes to getting down to the essence of their expectations I usually get "a lot of fun" or "really great music" or my personal favorite "not a typical wedding reception." The latter is almost inevitably planning a traditional wedding reception and is setting her expectations of the night based on some previous "typical" reception that she herself enjoyed attending. All it takes is a look at the planner, and request list. Traditional dances(1st dance, parents dances), check. Cake cutting, check. Toss the bouquet, check. Traditional or in their words (typical) wedding reception. So how can this Bride say that she wants "something different?" What these things usually boil down to after about an hour of questions from me is...

I want lots of people dancing, laughing, and generally interacting in a large group with one another and I don't want to hear the same songs I heard at the last 12 weddings. BUT I want to have the same experience I had DURING those songs.

That's where it takes experience to to know why people react like they do to these "classic" wedding songs.

Too often the concerns over having what DJ's in the business have come to refer to as "cookie cutter" weddings have more to do with music selection than they do with any other elements of a reception. Play the Electric Slide and 95% of the time the dance floor will fill up. Play The Cha Cha Slide and the odds are even higher. Need to get all ages up and dancing? Celebration, YMCA, Shout, The Twist, We Are Family, Old Time Rock and Roll, etc all will serve you well. Why? Because they are familiar and comfortable and everyone at a wedding who isn't a natural dancer has got their "moves" all worked out for those songs. It's like an old shoe...worn out, ragged and ugly, but oh so comfortable and familiar.

So as a wedding entertainer you have a few choices.

First you could just embrace the cheese. You become a Cheesy Wedding DJ because well, it's easy, it's usually inoffensive, it's like vanilla ice cream always there and always safe.

Then you can try and Change the cheese. Sometimes it's just enough to swap out all the songs for lesser played alternates with the same groove, and general feel. The difficulty here usually lies in the closeness to the real thing. Guests start asking for the same old same old, and when you don't play their requests, well lets just say you are no longer a great DJ to that person. You're just the guy who didn't play the Macarena.

My personal choice is something else. I use every detail I can tear from the Bride about her wedding day plans, and expectations and I use that as my palette. I use every minute and every song to establish an atmosphere that moves toward achieving the Bride's stated goal of dancing and shared moments with her guests. I use my opportunities during formal activities when I get to address the guests to "get them on my side" and to remind them that they are there to celebrate the Bride & Groom. I work with the Bride to plan for moments together with her Husband, family, and friends. We craft truly personal activities that reflect the actual people getting married while emphasizing how special they feel each and every guest is to them. I also tell my Brides and Grooms and their bridal party members as you do so will the guests. If the Bride and Groom dance, so will the guests. If the Bride & groom mingle and talk. So will most of their guests. There's nothing wrong with that kind of reception just as long as it is what the Bride & Groom want. In 15 years I have encountered only 2 real "cocktail" style receptions where dancing was not a big expectation. They were fabulous events with brilliant and very personal almost intimate moments planned in advance.

So in short...(LOL)...it's not the questions that Bride's ask it's the one's they don't ask. How will you make my wedding reception mine and mine alone as unique as my future husband and I. As special as all of these people we care enough to share this day with. How will you do that without playing those tired old songs? Oh am I thrilled when I get that rare bride who knows what she wants and is bold enough to ask those questions. I look her right in the eye and smile and say....

I am so glad you asked.

I CANNOT be rented!

So I was reading over at a popular wedding site and came across an article offering advice to brides & grooms regarding music. The article was...shall we say....fluffy? I was about to click away and then this caught my attention

Once the ceremony is complete and the newlyweds along with their bridal party and guests move along to the wedding reception, they should find themselves in an establishment which has music playing as well. The main choice which the couple needs to decide upon is whether to have a DJ or live band play at their wedding reception. There are a few considerations when trying to choose between the two.

There are pros and cons to having a DJ play music at the reception. Some of the pros associated with DJs include less expensive fees, greater selection of music and the bride and groom will always know what the music will sound like, as it is prerecorded. Some of the negative aspects which one may find with a DJ is that there is only one individual playing the music, there is a lack of variety in song versions and the DJ may not be as lively as a band.

When considering having a live band play at the reception, it is important to consider some of the positive and negative aspects of doing so. On the bright side, when the couple has a live band play at their reception they will have lively entertainment by the individuals playing the music, there may be more exciting variations to the songs and it provides a more elegant and personal atmosphere to the special day. With regard to potential negative aspects of having a live band, the band members may not sound as good as on their demo tape, they may not have as many musical selections and they will most likely be pricier than renting a DJ would be.

There are many things that I take exception to in this section of the article.

How exactly is a band more "personal" than a skilled wedding entertainer/DJ?

You want more exciting versions of a song I have remix upon remix of the most popular tunes and if by chance I don't find a remix I will do one live on the spot. I don't think this is something most B&G's are seeking for their reception. My experience is that the standard version of a song is the one people truly want to hear. Not a "good cover" with an extended "jam" in the middle!

Want custom introductions for your bridal party(different specific songs for each couple)? I did a party this year with 12 couples in the bridal party and custom edited music from 30 different songs to personalize their introductions. Good luck having the band pull that one off.

Now I agree that a band is certainly a lot more entertaining to watch and if that is what you want, something for your guests to watch then have your DJ provide video screens for the party and take it to another level, but most times I find that the B&G want to enjoy their friends and family, while dancing to some good songs. It is my philosophy that the B&G should be the primary focus of the guests, not me and certainly not some raucous floor show.

Too each his own.
Here is where I got "tweaked"

they will most likely be pricier than renting a DJ would be.

I can be hired to do an event, but I am not a commodity to be rented!

This is the problem with some so called wedding planners ( I said some - I actually love working with a good qualified wedding planner at an event) They view the vendors as merely commodities to be shuffled around, and too often to be treated poorly, dismissively and too often without even the slightest professional courtesy. I never understand this. What benefit is there to a wedding planner in alienating any if not all of the vendors at an event? None that I can see. Your wedding entertainment, be it DJ or band, should be professionals with wedding experience. If they are they deserve the respect that their years of experience has earned them. You don't rent people. Your rent, chairs, tents, lights, etc...NOT PEOPLE!

Treat your vendors courteously and respectfully and they will work even harder than you ever imagined possible to give you your wedding, YOUR way

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