GREAT READ! April Winchell: Wedding guests are like elephants--they never forget.

Below is the link to an EXCELLENT article by April Winchell which I read over at Brides.com which cuts right to the point of a wedding reception. It's really a matter of answering this simple question...

Who are you doing this for?

If 100% of everything you are doing is for you and only you then why did you invite all of these other people?  Because you felt you had to?  Or more likely was it that the people you invited mean something to you?   I advocate your wedding YOUR way but that doesn't mean that you should set about forcing your guests into some sort of homage to all things YOU! Your wedding YOUR way means that you don't need to follow every trend, every tradition, simply for their own sake. It means that your reception should be a unique representation of who you and your fiance are. That ALSO means that is done with love and a commitment to letting the special friends and family you are including enjoy and celebrate along with you. For example...

No one wants to be stuck listening to another persons i-Pod on shuffle for 5 hours straight. While 2 hours of traditional ethnic music might seem like an homage to your roots it is likely going to be torture for your guests! Guests are going to carry their memories, and their favors, away from your reception. Do you want those to be memories of what fantastic time they had?  A fellow DJ I admire, Ken Peterson, has this definition posted on his website www.kensmilestones.com.. "Entertainment  The gift you give back to your family and friends."

April's article says

I've been to a lot of weddings. I've been in the bridal parties of a few. Hell, I've even had a couple. And when I look back on them all, some experiences immediately come to mind as being truly exceptional. To a one, those memories were created by brides who did grand things for the people they love.

As she points out these don't need to be expensive things, just GRAND things that show that they were a larger part of the planning than how much money might be in the "envelope" in the antique birdcage!  Guests want to share in the experience.  They want to be a part of the day, not an additional decoration.  How are you going to make them feel included?  How will you make each and every person feel that they are special?

Not sure?  Call me or email me (link is under the "About Me" to the right and on the website at www.jhatchdj.com) and let's talk it over!




April Winchell: Wedding guests are like elephants--they never forget. Answers & Tools: Brides.com

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Here we go again (UPDATED)

UPDATED!!!!!!!!!! (Scroll down)
I know that a number of wedding professionals read this blog so I am urging you all to read this recent post on the Perfect Wedding Guide website.

Maybe I am mistaken but doesn't the PWG derive most of its revenue from advertisements? Aren't there Florists, DJs, wedding planners, Bridal shops, reception sites and make-up artists paying hundreds if not thousands of dollars to advertise to brides in there regional guides?

Why then would the collective editors decide to bite the hands that feed them and publish garbage advice like this?

Sure you can DIY your entire reception and save lots of money. You'll also spend your entire reception running around putting out little "fires" as you go. iPod stopped playing in the middle of your first dance? No problem since it's the grooms iPod he'll just stop and head over to the boom box and reboot, so you can start over and try and salvage a memory that doesn't include a curse of Steve Jobs under your breath.
Have your friend do your make-up so that when you get all those digital pictures that your guests took with their cameras on automatic you'll look like a $2 street walker at 5am on a Sunday.
Collect flowers from a field behind your house? When you doing that for your June wedding? In the morning before the ceremony? You sure aren't doing it anytime before that unless you have an industrial sized refrigeration unit to store them in.
Shop consignment on your dress. Why not? Just be prepared for the astronomically high alterations bill from your local bridal shop. They aren't offering discount alterations on dresses they didn't sell.
Oh and my personal favorite hors d'oeuvres instead of a meal.(bet you thought I'd be more upset by the iPod didn't you?) Your guests will be joining you through at least one meal unless you are planning some sort of combined ceremony/reception that ends in 2 hours. Yeah finger foods will encourage them to linger and share your magical day.
With wilted flowers on the tables of a strangers house, while your guests struggle to dance to whatever you happen to have on your iPod playlist, as the seams on your thrift store dress burst open cause Aunt Millie is half blind and just doesn't sew like she used to.
That'll sure be a memorable event to say the least.

Seriously though I am calling on ALL WEDDING PROFESSIONALS to write/call/email the editors of The Perfect Waste of Money...er umm..the Perfect Wedding Guide and remind them that you pay their bills, and then tell them you will be canceling your ad because too many of THEIR readers are not becoming YOUR customers based on pitiful advice like this!

PWG Holdings, LLC
39 Skyline Dr., Ste. 1001
Lake Mary, FL 32746

PHONE: (888) 222-7433
FAX: (888) 933-3404
WEB SITE: www.perfectweddingguide.com
EMAIL: corp@pwg.com

Just for fun here's an iPod wedding for your evaluation.

Hi J.

I wanted to respond to your email below and follow up on the discussion we had this morning related to the below content.

First, I always appreciate strong points of view and applaud passion. As we discussed, NEVER at anytime would Perfect Wedding Guide in any way, shape or form do anything to intentionally harm anyone! Over the years our company has dedicated itself to serving wedding professionals all over the country and to serving brides and their needs. We do more to connect brides and business than any other media company out there. The tens of thousands of vendors we have worked with over the years have benefited and continue to benefit from the many channels we provide brides and business to connect through print, internet, leads, bridal shows, networking events and more. No one puts more into this mission that PWG!

With that said, I think that if you had taken the time to call me before you made assumptions about our motives and reasons for providing relevant content to brides, you would have found that first, I am accessible and responsive (as per our nearly 2.5 hour conversation) and would realize we have a greater goal in mind to provide good, quality content to brides. We don’t dictate that content, brides do and with ever increasing demands from our vendors to provide more brides – we can’t accomplish the goal if we DON’T give them what they want. True, Brides don’t buy advertising, but neither do vendors if we don’t have brides! There isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t get compared to larger companies. In order to provide more brides to you, we have to provide the information they want and demand to maintain credibility with them. If we don’t, they seek it elsewhere, because as you know, there are plenty of resources for them to turn to such as social networking sites and blogs, where the crazy brides can really go to town unchecked. Does anyone really want those type of sites to become the primary path for wedding information and education for brides? I don’t think so. What was never mentioned in the email below is the many positive articles, networking events, educational seminars and webinars Perfect Wedding Guide produces and participates on all levels to help provide more accurate and helpful information to both Brides and Vendors. We are dedicated to connecting brides to businesses and have helped many businesses grow over the years!

We know that times are challenging and again, I have to point out that PWG does more to work with businesses like yourself to generate sales and revenue than most of our competitors. I believe that’s why the majority of negative responders to the article are coming from vendors that don’t actually do business with us. The vast majority of our advertisers understand and know our commitment to them. We live with them and work with them every day in the markets we serve. We have a vested interest in their success. I hope that in the future, a more productive path will be taken. Most of us want to do better. Most of us are dedicated professionals and work hard every day to improve our businesses and serve our customers.

We did pull the article in question before our conversation, but after our rather lengthy conversation, I believe we both walked away with a better understanding of our intent and your position. It is important to me to educate – that’s why I believe in the article, but I also believe we can make the article more powerful by providing the pros and cons of each tip. I agree, Brides need to know both the potential upside and downside to their decisions. I hope that everyone can agree that this serves all interested parties fairly and provides real, valuable content to the end user that is helpful.

I am truly sorry this article hit a nerve – it certainly was not intended to cause harm or create the illusion that professionals are not necessary. Obviously, an iPod cannot give the same entertainment value a DJ can, obviously if a bride provides her own flowers it cannot compare to what a professional will provide. We know the value of using professionals and we certainly have a long enough track record to prove that. But we also can’t ignore the huge movement towards D-I-Y and the need to give them good information. The truth is, it helps all of us create valuable talking points to address the D-I-Y bride and give the pros and cons to their decisions. I’ve seen other vendors make the very same recommendations to brides that were in the article, not to mention that every single wedding related publication and website had covered this topic. We can’t be so afraid to address the truth given 85% of all weddings (which is 1.85 out of 2.2 million weddings per year) spend the average or below on their weddings. 50% of all weddings (1.1 million) spend approximately half of the average. Our job is to make sure we are supplying ideas, tips and vendors for all brides of all budgets. If we do that, we will all get more in the end because we will have a larger market to reach. If we narrow that field, we limit the number of brides we can reach - and in this economy, most vendors need to be looking at all budget levels to survive (I said most, not all)!

I respect your position, I understand you passion and I think we came to a productive outcome. Talking to each other usually provides a more positive outcome than threats and hysteria. In spite of the reason we came to talk, I ended up enjoying debating and discussing the issue with you. Thank you for taking the time to do that.

Please let me know if you have any additional thoughts or would like to discuss this matter any further – I will make myself available. I hope you find this information relevant to share with your colleagues.

Tammy Elliot – President, Perfect Wedding Guide

My Comments regarding my discussion with Tammy and this email, which I only just received (via 3rd party it has not as of yet been sent to me personally) are forthcoming.

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Who Pays for What?

Here are some old-school breakdowns—with a modern twist

Okay, time to have that cash chat. Get together with every single person who might contribute to the total cost of the wedding. That means all parents, you and your fiancé, and anyone else with a financial interest (may you be so lucky as to have an eccentric and wealthy aunt). This is the fastest way to find out how big you can dream. (And, speaking of big, this is probably the time to ask both sides to submit a first-draft guest list. You'll need it sooner than you think!)

More and more often today, weddings are paid for by a two-family counsel—and more than 60 percent of brides and grooms are paying for at least part of the costs as well. This makes it pretty clear that the old rules of divvying up the wedding bills simply no longer apply. What follows here is a slightly updated version of the traditional who-pays-for-what breakdown to help you put things in perspective. Bring it to your money talk to help the conversation along.

Tradition, Modern Style

Bride
• Gifts for bridesmaids
• Lodging for bridesmaids
• Couple's personal stationery and thank-you notes
• Wedding programs/guest book

Groom
• The bride's engagement ring
• The marriage license
• Officiant's fee
• Rental or purchase of his formalwear
• Lodging for groomsmen
• Gifts for the groom's attendants
• Boutonnieres for self and groomsmen, as well as flowers for both mothers and grandmothers (it's much more common today for flowers to be paid in one lump sum, usually by the bride's family)
• The bride's bouquet (see above) bride and groom:
• The wedding bands
• The honeymoon (in very traditional families, this is still considered the groom's expense)

Bride's Family
• Engagement and wedding pictures
• Wedding invitations
• Wedding consultant, if applicable
• Bridal ensemble
• Ceremony fees: rental of synagogue or chapel, chuppah, aisle carpets, or other decorating items
• Flowers: reception, ceremony, bridesmaids' bouquets and fathers' boutonnieres (see Groom for more on wedding flowers)
• Reception: site fees, caterer, food, bar, gratuities, decorations
• Music: ceremony, cocktail hour and reception
• Bridesmaids' luncheon (a traditional gesture of thanks)
• Transportation for bridal party to ceremony and reception

Groom's Family
• The rehearsal dinner (optional) or any other expense they elect

Bridesmaids
• Bridal shower
• Bridesmaid dress and shoes (flowergirl/ringbearer attire is paid for by the child's parents)
• Any traveling expenses
• Bachelorette party (optional)

Ushers
• Rental of formalwear
• Bachelor party (optional)

Guests
Traveling and lodging expenses (even if you're having a destination wedding, guests pay their own way)

Bucking the Trends

These are the most common ways that the old guidelines of who-pays-for-what are being adapted to reflect the multi-host wedding that is so popular today.

Groom's Family
• All beverage and liquor service
• Limousines
• Music for the reception
• Photography and/or videography

Bride and/or Groom
• Bride's ensemble
• Wedding flowers
• All wedding stationery, including invitations, announcements, and thank-you notes
This content originally appeared in Modern Bride magazine